In every moment, the devil has been present. Trying to muddy the waters and take away from the incredible work the team is doing. The lives that are being touched. The Gospel that is being shared to convert unbelievers into believers. To prevent those souls from knowing the love of
What is evident more than ever right now is that I am supposed to be telling a story. I have been wrestling with God over the last year of my life with this massive feeling of rejection. And not far behind that feeling has been the enemy, nipping at my heels. I have questioned my entire life. I have questioned my salvation.
You will be weak, hungry, and wounded – and you will be eaten alive by feral animals infected with rabies. You will be ridiculed, you will be mistreated, you will be yelled at and told you are unloved and hated. You will be mocked, you will be disregarded. You will be disrespected and laughed at. You will be hurt. You will cry. You will never be thanked. You will be told you’re not doing it right, you’re stupid,
Life is what we make it. A year ago, I didn’t think I’d be here. A year ago, I had written wills. I had the conversations about sex, marriage, periods, boys, girls, and my husband remarrying. We had talks about how to handle life insurance. Power of attorney. We were ready. God wasn’t. Praise His Mercy!
Right now, I take a LOT of stuff. Pills, powders, liquid extracts. I take things often every 3-4 hours depending on dosage or if I can mix it with something else I’m taking of whether it’s supposed to be taken with meals or without. It’s incredibly complicated. Enter, functional medicine.
I got denied twice. Hard denials from insurance. Due to “experimental medicine.” My doctor said that was to be expected. Even after her appeal, I got another denial. So the 3rd time, we filled out patient assistance knowing I would have to pay retail cost. ($31K/month) That got denied for some errors in paperwork – and it was at that point, I really just stopped and prayed.
It isn’t until Acts 9 that Jesus boomed over in a loud voice asking Saul while persecuting Him. Saul is blinded by the light in chapter 9 and remains blind for 3 days. In verse 17 of chapter 9, the scales from Saul’s eyes are removed and he is baptized. A few verses down, Saul begins to do the work Jesus has called him to do.
I’ve been reading a lot about oligodendroglioma, regrowth, medical advances, and survival statistics. I went through my medical bills today to look at what they did in that operating room (which is fascinating). What I remembered as I was going through this was how stressed out I was before I went back and how absolutely grateful to God I was alive once I woke up. I remember once I opened my eyes (or once I was coherent enough to remember) praising God for the miracle of waking up. I look back every now and then on pictures and realize how hard it was and how far I’ve come in 7 weeks.
Trials come in life. Trials come in all shapes and sizes. If you’re in that spot where your spouse (or a friend or family member) is dealing with tough things, sickness, etc., talk about it. It’s okay to cry, yell, and ask questions like I did that suck and are hard and nasty to admit. Honor that time with yourself and with your relationships.
Last week, we received the news that we were expecting. The tumor in my brain was confirmed as Grade 2 cancer, Specifically an oligodendroglioma.
Putting into words what life really hands you. My experience's and the positive side.
The world view from my perch
Weightloss, Health, fitness and mindfulness.
Daily Thoughts and Meditations as we journey together with our Lord.
