Yearbooks: Capturing the Memories

I had to take Silas to lessons and offered to fill up the gas cans while I was out. I don’t know why I did. Moment of no brain, I guess. I can’t ever open those stupid gas cans. Went to fill them up, got so freaking MAD at how cold it was and I couldn’t feel my fingers that I put the gas cans back up, drove to Taco Bell and warmed up, got back out in the parking lot, unscrewed 3 of the 4 cans out of sheer anger and determination to not fail and then got even more blistered that I knew that meant I had to fill them up again.

Cancer: It’s like getting a new car…

No matter if you’ve got the “good kind” or the “really invasive kind.” Cancer is deadly. There’s no preparing you to lose a family member from cancer whether you’ve had time to prepare or not. Having a child diagnosed with a tumor or cancer sucks major kinds of stupid and there’s zero preparation you go through as a parent to be ready to bury your child or watch them die a slow death, painful or not. Cancer destroys you.

Rejected by Jesus: Fact or Fiction?

What is evident more than ever right now is that I am supposed to be telling a story. I have been wrestling with God over the last year of my life with this massive feeling of rejection. And not far behind that feeling has been the enemy, nipping at my heels. I have questioned my entire life. I have questioned my salvation.

Functional vs. Conventional Medicine

Right now, I take a LOT of stuff. Pills, powders, liquid extracts. I take things often every 3-4 hours depending on dosage or if I can mix it with something else I’m taking of whether it’s supposed to be taken with meals or without. It’s incredibly complicated. Enter, functional medicine.

Gods Plan vs. My Plan

I got denied twice. Hard denials from insurance. Due to “experimental medicine.” My doctor said that was to be expected. Even after her appeal, I got another denial. So the 3rd time, we filled out patient assistance knowing I would have to pay retail cost. ($31K/month) That got denied for some errors in paperwork – and it was at that point, I really just stopped and prayed.

The broken pieces cancer leaves behind

Trials come in life. Trials come in all shapes and sizes. If you’re in that spot where your spouse (or a friend or family member) is dealing with tough things, sickness, etc., talk about it. It’s okay to cry, yell, and ask questions like I did that suck and are hard and nasty to admit. Honor that time with yourself and with your relationships.

Fear is real, but God is a lion

For me, brain surgery is scary. There is real fear in this. All of my joking aside, there’s a real part of me that is actually terrified. I know God has this, yes. I know God has a plan, yes. However, that doesn’t stop my human emotions from standing on the sideline yelling, “Hey! We’re over here!”

Outsiders

It kind of reminded me current day and how we as humans (not just Americans) are really turning a blind eye to so much. Where are we when our neighbor needs help? We are so quick to call out each others shortcomings or lay blame, but no one is helping. Even as Christians, we say “I’ll pray for you,” but it’s become such a quick comeback to make ourselves look mightier than thou. And shame on us, for that.

Seasons

Cancer sucks. Those around me know my strong, independent will. They know I’m a fighter, and I’ll stand at cancer’s door, ready to take on the world. There’s another side to me, too. I’m a mom. I’m a wife. I’m a sister. I’m a daughter. And I’m scared.

The World is Made of Pizza.

This weekend, I had a pretty good reboot to get back on track hard and stick to only those foods and not cheat, which helped a lot.  Bar weekend, baby!  Thankfully, I’ve…