Sunday, I had my first seizure. I’m still unsure if it was a seizure though the doctor says yes, but the symptoms point towards that. What I experienced that night felt a lot like a night terror/sleep paralysis, too. What I do know is that in the middle of the night, my heart rate shot up and I felt completely paralyzed. I tried to move my legs and all I remember is that my legs wouldn’t move. I tried hard to move them, but it’s like they were glued to the bed. I remember panicking and then trying to wake myself up incase I was asleep and I bit my tongue. I bit it so hard that it still hurts to this day. The next day, I slept all day.

Since then, I’ve been placed on Keppra. Let me tell you – this is not a drug you want to be on. It’s real. The side effects of this chemical are pages long and the effects I’m having on day 3 are horrible. I’ve fallen down the stairs twice today. I’ve run into walls more times than I can count. I keep dropping things. I’m struggling to talk. And I’m very frustrated. I can’t get my emotions in check and things that I would normally be able to think through, I am struggling to have patience with.

I keep questioning why God is letting this happen. What is this showing me?

1 Peter 5:6-7 says, “Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.”

The reality is, anxiety like this isn’t something I’ve felt before and I’m struggling with how to handle it.

The good news is, I know the Lord is doing something big in my life. I’m not sure what it is, but I feel confident I’m going to come out of this with a story to tell and a platform to yell from. I feel in my bones that God is waiting for February 22nd to show up and remind people around me that He’s got this under His control and that nothing that happens is outside of His plan. I know He is Creator, Healer, and Restorer. I trust that He’s going to use this to show up. I also trust that this isn’t going to be a one-time show. I have a feeling God is going to use this in my life over and over to continue reaching the masses and that this is where He’s going to show that man can’t do it alone. That it requires Him and nothing happens outside of His dominion.

In looking at cancer in general, I do keep seeing a pattern.

Have you ever looked at a dark room?

Look at this picture. There are so many biblical references to “where light is, darkness cannot be…” but have you ever looked at it? If you look at this picture, you can see this dark room where the door is cracked letting light in and you can see that where the light is, darkness cannot exist. It’s more than just “showing light,” but more of the truth that darkness LITERALLY cannot exist where light is. Light permeates the darkness and it (for lack of a better way of describing it) makes it to where darkness cannot exist.

I’ve seen a lot of cancer therapies talking about light therapy – and it’s got me thinking. If cancer is darkness and light is good, darkness cannot live where light is – so it makes sense to me that light therapy would work. At least if I’m thinking about it biblically. So I’m heading down that journey. Light therapy. There are so many articles talking about it and quite honestly, I have nothing to lose at this point.

For now, I’m trusting that God is showing me this for a reason. That light is being shown to me for a reason. I’ll report back with how it goes! In the meantime:

Please keep February 22nd as a day of prayer.

Please wear grey on February 22nd. If you’d like to order a shirt to support us (I get about $10 of each sale), you can do that here:

https://www.bonfire.com/team-urban/

If you’d like to donate to our GoFundMe to help me on this journey for medical bills, you can do so at:

https://www.gofundme.com/f/kristins-brain-cancer-journey-to-life

Be in touch soon!

Love, Kristin